Methodology for Stealing a Cup

When out and about in Atlanta, there may come a time when a girl needs to steal something from the top of the bar. Whether its an extra cherry or lime, a straw that you want to sneakily obtain, or, most recently for me, a cup, there is a very simple methodology to go about this clandestine activity with the least chance of getting caught.

 

1. Choose your victim. Boys are always hanging around the bar waiting for a girl to come up to them for whatever reason, so they'll be very pleased when you approach.

2. Initial contact. Two taps on the shoulder is all you need to get his attention. Smile sweetly and say something along the lines of, "Excuse me, would you mind grabbing me a _____ ?"

3. Mission accomplished. I've never been turned down--your victim will quite willingly reach over and grab whatever it is you need, allowing you to stand out of the line of fire should the bartender catch him.

 

It is my personal theory that this methodology can be employed in various other activities in life, though I only recently discovered it. More experiments to come.

Heels and Productivity

I have recently concluded that heels and productivity are positively correlated. Having just this morning been cleared by the podiatrist to cast off my cast and wear two shoes again, I can not begin to describe how my life has changed.

 

I walked into the office, my three-and-a-half inch heels clicking loudly on the marble floor, the echoes breaking tandem with my steps. There's nothing more self-promoting than the sound of your own footsteps moving purposely in some direction, like the louder, more determined your heels hitting the floor is, the busier and more important you are. So I walked quickly to my desk, eager to live up to my three-and-a-half inch heels, contemplating whether or not I should transition to four inches.

 

However disaster struck. I had no work to do.

 

My analysts were out of town, my advisor out as well, and just when I was ready to dive into the most prestigious project of my life--I had none.

 

But I wasn't to be deterred. I started immediately on several personal projects I had in the wings, like a writing submission for an essay contest, email correspondence, the usual. And I dove into these projects with a vengeance, my productivity increasing by the hour as I went from one task to another like a mad woman. I was so busy concentrating, in fact, that I did not see an email about a project I needed to do until far too late.

 

And now I have to stay after-hours at work on a Friday, proving (unintentionally) that heels and productivity go hand in hand--I'm definitely getting far more done today than if I had been able to leave at 5, at least.